Tanis Bolton

Somehow, somewhere, I forgot to breathe…

It has been a while since my last blog and I don’t really know why. At some point in the chaos that has been the COVID-19 pandemic I lost myself; stuck somewhere between wishing things were how they used to be and worrying about the future. There was no time left for the present. I know, we’ve heard this a million times but, still somehow these things happen.

At the end of 2021 I came to the realization that somewhere, somehow, I stopped and held my breath waiting for things to get better while being frustrated when they never did. My breaking point was Summer of 2020 when I hit a big brick wall of burnout. Nothing I did was “normal” and I just wanted to “feel like myself.” I was finishing up my final year of PT school which was exhausting due to COVID uncertainty and constant last minute changes. It also involved me completely changing my busy routine of going to Toronto to school every day to now being confined to my house mostly alone for the next 7 months. My burnout reached a point where a 30 minute run was exhausting, something I could have done with my eyes closed.

I constantly battled fears of not being able to get back to running, back to the times I used to run. These fears were always in the back of my mind.

With the start of a new year it’s time to reflect on last year. It’s been a while since my last blog and I’m looking forward to writing more consistently this year. I treasure the mindfulness that comes with writing down my thoughts and giving them light. I also feel that it is an important part to my life to feel that I am giving back in some way by inspiring others. This one’s about sticking to your goals even when the cards are stacked against you. Let’s jump in.

Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t typed a blog in a while but since I’m on a 6 hour train ride back home today I guess today is a good time!

As I approached the fall leading into physiotherapy school (at the University of Toronto) I looked at my schedule.

9am class = 7:25 train from Brantford (15min drive in the morning)

8am class = 5:28 bus from Brantford + 6:20 GO train from Aldershot

I counted the hours back on my fingers, leave the house before 7, that means be finished my run shortly after 6, that means leave the house for a run at 5 or just before. “Okay,” I thought, “That’s doable.” Next, I thought about my 8am class morning. Okay, 5:28 bus, leave the house before 5, that means finish my run by 4…that means run at 3am…”3am!!” I thought, “there’s no way I can do that.” As I looked at my fall timetable, I counted up the number of days that I needed to be there for 8am, and it filled more than two hands! That’s a lot of missed opportunity, that’s a lot of missed training and wasted fitness if I decided that indeed I could NOT make that work. That’s when it hit me, Why can’t I run at 3am? What would be the problem with that, technically I could do it, it’s just whether I decided to do it or not. That’s when I decided to change my mindset, to say why not instead of “I can’t.”